scheming and dreaming [and doing]

I've been struggling a lot lately with some big questions. mainly: what am I doing with my life?

society [or at least the one I grew up in] places a lot of value on careers, money, and busy-ness. I sortof gave up my career when we moved to Taiwan. and honestly, I'm glad I did. the were things I loved about my job but mostly I felt over-stressed and like my cubicle was slowly sucking away my soul. [would I consider doing some consulting work in Asia to pick up extra cash? yes, but I don't think my future lies in returning to that path full time.]

money is almost synonymous with success... and right now I'm not really raking it in. do I need to make money? no. but I do want to make money. and more importantly- I want to make money doing something I want to do. but figuring out how to take something you love and making it profitable is a lot harder than you'd think.

I actually have good ideas quite often. I'm struck by a lightning bolt of inspiration and fly off in a frenzy of scheming and research. and I take the idea and I work on it, and I plan and revise... and spend so much time trying to perfect it that it never comes to fruition. that's usually when I pause, pour a bucket of self-doubt over the idea, and place it firmly on the shelf of "well maybe someday if...". I have a very full shelf of ideas that could be great. but they are just sitting there, gathering dust, waiting for the right moment which [let's be honest] will probably never arrive.

I'm scared of failing, so I talk myself out of even starting. I hate saying that, but it's true.

but in all of my thinking, I've started to realize that now is the time for me to start trying doing these things. I'm not sure yet which -if any- of these ideas will manifest themselves into something sustainable. but it's time to start finding out. and so, I've started. I'm taking a risk, doing what I love, and hoping that with a little sweat I can turn it into success.

you'll be hearing more about these things, but for now I have 3 major schemes: photography [I have a family shoot booked for November 4th!], an Etsy shop and a self-published book for kindle [both of which have a lot of tax intricacies I am trying to work through] the last two may never get of the ground, but I'm doing what I can not to kill them before they have the chance.

wish me luck, and stay tuned... whether I succeed or fail, this should be interesting!