twenty-nine // birthday reflections

I kicked off my twenty-ninth birthday by soaking in a rooftop hot tub, surrounded by misty mountains in the middle of Taroko Gorge. not a terrible way to begin the end of my twenties.

people say a lot of different things about your twenties. they're amazing and they're awful. it's a time of self-discovery... or maybe self-depreciation. it's when we're told we will all figure out our lives, but much to our surprise - most of us don't.

at twenty-one, I thought I knew everything. I had a plan. I knew where I was going and how to get there. I had it all mapped out and it seemed so simple. [oh, the joys of youthful confidence.]

at twenty-five, I thought I had it all. things were running right on schedule... my job, my marriage, paying off my car and having the two fluffiest cats around. I either had or was well on my way to getting everything I thought I wanted.

at twenty-seven, I realized I knew nothing. except that what I had was not right for me. I was stressed out, frustrated, and unhappy. what I wanted? I didn't have a clue, but I knew it wasn't the life I was living.

and now at twenty-nine, I think I've figured it out: you don't ever figure it out. there is no one plan and there won't ever be a day where everything falls into place forever. each and every day is a choice, and you have to make that choice each and every day. what to wear, what to eat, what to do. to be happy and healthy, to be a good wife/sister/daughter/friend. it's both a burden and a blessing, because every day it's all in our own hands. there are days when we choose right and there are days when we choose wrong.

but making mistakes is part of learning and growing. changing your mind and deciding to take a new path can be the best decision you've ever made. growth is essential to life - only living things grow. they breathe and they change. if you stop changing, it means you're dead. [and I'm far from that.]

the life I'm living now is completely different than anything I had imagined, but I'm completely in love with it.

the thought of twenty-nine used to freak me out. but not anymore. I'm ready to embrace this year and give my twenties the send-off they deserve. I mean, how bad can twenty-nine be when red wine and a bowl of m&m's and gummy bears is your birthday dessert after spending the day hiking and climbing through one of the most beautiful places on earth?

not bad at all.