thirty-three and six

my thirty-third birthday was a few weeks ago, which means a few days after that, this blog turned six.

sharing a birthday/blogiversary post is kindof a tradition around here, and though I've been slow to get back in the swing of regular posting, I couldn't let the occasion drift by unmarked.

so here are six facts about this blog, and thirty-three randoms bits about me:

1-- I came up with the name "ink and adventure" as we were driving back to Princeton from the job fair in Boston where Luke was first hired to teach in Taiwan. I actually launched with the name "hello, adventure" because I was nervous about the ink part implying I was a writer. [yeah, I know.] it lasted for maybe a month before I changed it to this title -- the one that just felt right in my heart.

2-- there have been 493 posts published on this blog. [16 have been reverted back to drafts. anyone remember the nail files?] the hands down most popular post of all time: 10 days in Bali packing list. it's definitely not the most minimal or useful packing post I've done, but Pinterest just loves this one.

3-- ink and adventure has had too many design changes to count, but I'm proud to say that I've created them all myself. I'd like to think as I went through phases in life and grew as a person, my blog also changed to reflect that.

4-- I shared the highest number of posts in 2014, but earned the most pageviews in 2016 [with a third of the posts.] 2017 wins for annoying marketing emails and unrelated guest post offers received. November 2012 was my most prolific month thanks to scoot crash recovery, with 16 posts published.

5-- of all the thousands of photos that I've shared on this blog, there have maybe been 5 that I have not taken myself. [this doesn't count those from the random month of guest posts I did, or the hundreds of photos my poor husband has been subjected to taking of me -- several included here --but I still think that's pretty impressive.]

6-- I have debated deleting this blog a hundred thousand times. I have thought for hours about changing the content I share [and, actually, have changed it.] I'm not sure where the future will lead us, but at the end of six years I am so happy to have all these memories to look back on.

1-- this birthday post feels weird compared to last year's. but as I'm writing this from Starbucks two weeks belated, I'm just going to roll with it.

2-- I love lists. I love making them, and I love checking them off. sometimes I will add something I've already done to my to-do list, just so I can have the joy of crossing it out.

3-- next month I get to go back to Tokyo Disney and I am so.freaking.excited.

4-- but aside from that, I will be spending this summer in Taiwan. for the first time. it's going to be really sticky and hot, but I'm also looking forward to exploring this island in a new way.

5-- BUT. so long as our savings plan stays on track, we are hoping to take some really exciting adventures in the year ahead.

6-- I write almost every day. it's usually just in my journal, but it's become such a habit that I hardly consider it writing anymore. [also, I get really cranky if I don't write.]

7-- of the twenty countries that I've traveled to, New Zealand is my favorite. and probably always will be. I would move there in a heartbeat, even if it meant living in a campervan forever. [actually... that would be awesome.]

8-- despite gardening skills running in my mom's side of the family, the only plants I can manage to keep alive are ceramic cacti.

9-- I still wear my hair in braided pigtails. those are cool again, right?

10-- it [usually] takes me a long time to make a decision, but once I've weighed all my options, done the research and made my choice -- I go all in.

11-- my mom mailed me a letterboard for my birthday and I'm kindof obsessed. also, half the messages I have put on it thus far have to do with wine.

12-- I've always been a writer. I can't remember a time when I wasn't making up stories, scribbling secrets in notebooks, or in search of the perfect writing implement.

13-- the book I'm currently writing has been a huge source of joy in my life. revising and editing aren't actually fun, but I've been known to squeal and jump up and down when I think of a new plot point. and sometimes leap out of bed in the middle of the night to run into my office and scribble down a thought before it escapes.

14-- related: the wall of my office is plastered in a mess post-it notes. half of them are in latin or french. the other half have been re-written after I deciphered my 4am in the dark handwriting

15-- my biggest pet peeve about living in Asia is the difference in how personal space is perceived. basically: you get the amount of space that your body physically occupies, and not a millimeter more. and actually, sometimes less.

16-- IKEA has become my new Target. [since there is no Target in Taiwan.] the only thing that reigns me in is that I have to hand carry all of my purchases home.

17-- I still use an actual planner, because the glide of ink on paper makes me happy.

18-- I hate facebook, but it's a necessary evil as an expat. I go through phases of trying to use it in a way that's less distasteful. but mostly, I'd rather have actual conversations with people to be updated on their lives.

19-- I would almost always rather be wearing pajamas.

20-- and if I can't wear pajamas or workout clothes, then a dress.

21-- I'm a video game nerd. husband bought me a Nintendo DS for my birthday, and it is designed to look like Pikachu's face. and I love it.

22-- as much as I'm enjoying Pokemon Ultra Sun, the Legend of Zelda series is still my all time favorite video game franchise. [BUT I am still dreaming of the day they release a game where Zelda is the main player.]

23-- even though I am gluten and lactose intolerant, pizza is still my favorite food.

24-- oddly enough, moving closer to the MRT has gotten me out to explore more of our own neighborhood instead of the rest of the [now easily accessible] city.

25-- washi tape is the solution to 80% of my problems.

26-- I'd rather stay in and split a bottle of wine with a friend or two, sitting on someone's couch than go out and have a fancy drink at a bar.

27-- turquoise is apparently my favorite color. I've been working on decorating our apartment and nearly everything I put up is some shade of blue or green or in between.

28-- instead of feeling guilty that I haven't blogged about so many of my adventures these past few years, I've decided that time has been a good way to winnow through and let me pick the best things to share. [sometimes us travel bloggers can be obsessed about posting every small thing we saw or did.]

29-- three really simple things that make me happy: kittens, sunshine, and wine.

30-- when I get food cravings, they are 80% for something salty and crunchy [potato chips] 15% for something green and leafy [no really, I crave salad] and only 5% for chocolate or sweets.

31-- I've started going to bed at 9pm and waking up at 6 or 7. I don't care if it makes me a grandma, I love it. I get so much more done with my day.

32-- the past two years have been the hardest of my life. I've struggled with both my physical and mental health, and had to fight every day to do anything beyond just taking care of myself. it was hell, and I would never want to relive it, but I know it's made me so much stronger.

33- I'm relying on that strength to help me make 33 a better year. I'm hoping that it brings fierce self-love, heaps of creative energy, peace of mind, and of course -- lots of adventure.

[and a few more happy but blurry moments like this, please.]

life lesson #32: you can't pack everything

greetings from the beautiful Pacific Northwest! I'm currently road tripping through Washington and Oregon with my parents and brother, but popping in because it's become a bit of a birthday tradition to post something around this date. while this blog is turning 5 years old next week [holy cow has it really been that long?] I myself am turning 32 today [I'm not sure how that one happened either.]

I always end up posting something wierd. like musings on vintage poems I found in my Grandma's old diary, blurry selfies and gummy bear photos from Taroko, announcing I need a blog break, or just making a list because that's what Jamies do best.

through the process of getting ready to head back to America for summer [and now that I'm on a 3 week road trip] I've been thinking a lot about packing and pre-travel anxiety, and about the things we have to leave behind. for almost 5 years I've been doing this strange split life. making a home in Taiwan, then leaving for a month or two each summer. trying to spend the school year sorting out what it is I want to do with my time, making a list of what I want to accomplish... and then panicking each year before I leave at all that is left undone.

this year, my to-do list that did-not is longer than ever. I spent last March through May adjusting to new food restrictions, then June and July traveling Europe and Asia. August through October I was wretchedly ill and trying to figure out why, and November through March were all about recovering and rebuilding. and now... it's already April and I'm another year older. some days it feels like a wasted year.

but as much as I fear that might be true, I know that it isn't. the work I've done this year was not what I planned, but that doesn't make it worthless. the things that I left undone, maybe weren't meant for me to finish.

a few weeks ago Lauren shared a quote on instagram that has been rattling around in my mind:

"maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place."

to me - that means sometimes there are things we have to leave behind. as we ramble along in this life, we bump into things. sometimes they are hard things, and it hurts. sometimes it breaks off a little piece of who are are - and we have to let go of it to move forward. as much as you may sometimes want to, you can't take it with you. there's not room to carry it all.

both litererally and metaphorically: you can't pack everything.

sometimes you write out your packing list months in advance. you consult friends and online packing guides. you update and edit as the departure draws near, shifting your list for the weather and planned activities. you text your BFF asking for advice. you color coordinate everything to work together. and then you neatly fold it all and set it in your suitcase a week in advance.

and still, 5 minutes before the car arrives to take you to the airport, you find yourself chucking things out because you're over weight and out of space.

it doesn't matter where you're going or how long you'll be there. it happens to me every single time, no mater what. the realization that: you can't pack everything.

your husband tries to reassure you that he can bring anything you need later, or you can just buy it when you get there. [little does he know that the nearest Target to SeaTac will be extremely picked over, and your dad has an itinerary to stick to - which does not involve detouring to a mall - so you'll go 3 days without being able to find any warm leggings and freeze your bum off in the meantime.]

but at least said husband will make sure you bring your hat, even though you don't want to, because it will save you from frostbite. and at least said dad will let you make two stops in sporting stores when driving from Port Townsend to Forks, until you find some pants appropriate for 40 degree weather. and you'll end up wearing both of them pretty much non stop, because the Olympic Peninsula is gorgeous but freezing [at least compared to Taiwan.]

sometimes, to shed our skin and grow, we have to encounter something rough. I'm pretty sure that when I slipped on some driftwood and banged up my shin from knee to ankle the other day, I left a significant piece of myself on Ruby Beach. not to mention the photos I missed out on when my camera battery died 2 seconds later because my [fully charged] spare was sitting a 30 minute drive away in our airbnb.

but. despite the bruises and the battery, an hour later I was climbing back on the driftwood of another beach, smiling and taking photos of scenery just as beautiful.

I could lie and tell you that at 32, I've got it all figured out and my life lessons learned. but I don't. to be completely honest - I doubt that will ever happen. but I can say that I feel at least a little bit wiser, and the whole not knowing thing bothers me less than it used to.

and I suppose if the last year has taught me anything [or even just the last week] it would be this: you can't pack everything, but sometimes what you leave behind... isn't really necessary.

how old is old?

guys, tomorrow is my birthday. it's officially the start of a new decade for me. that's right, I am turning 30. the big 3-0, the dirty thirty, whatever you want to call it. the older I get, the less age seems to matter. but this number feels pretty big.

birthdays and major holidays always make me introspective. so I started assembling a lovely list of thoughts for you as I mentally culled through the past years of my life. I started this post about a month ago. the first draft started off "so I'm turning 30 in 30 days..." it went through many incarnations and morphed from advice column to memoir to personal manifesto.

this morning I woke up and knew I couldn't post any of what I had previously written. not that it was disingenuous or not applicable to turning 30 - but it just didn't feel right. I've been wavering between terror and excitement about this birthday. there are moments when I feel so ready to take on this next year, this next decade... and then there are moments I am plagued by that eternal birthday question:

am I old?

a few weeks ago, when I was all about this birthday thing, I was filling out this month's calendar on our chalkboard wall and wrote on the 30th: Jamie is old. jokingly. poking fun at myself and the general disdain that most people seem to have for this particular birthday.

this morning it didn't seem funny.

but the words triggered something in my brain. old. there was something I was supposed to remember, with that word. something having to do with birthdays. oh yes...

last summer while I was back in Michigan, my Dad was pulling out old photos and journals that had belonged to my Grandma Austin. and pasted into the front of one of her daily journals was a little poem - from who knows where - but I had taken a picture of it.

HOW OLD IS OLD
age is a quality of mind.
if your dreams you've left behind
if hope is cold
if you no longer look ahead
if your ambition's fires are dead
then you are old.
but if from life you take the best
and if in life you keep the zest
if love you hold
no matter how the years go by
no matter how the birthdays fly -
you are not old.

[thanks, Grandma, I needed that one today.]

it's a little corny and maybe cliche, but sometimes those things are the most true. is my life still zesty?  me and my yellow polka dot pants would like to think so.

I've already spent time adjusting to the idea that I don't have the things you are "supposed to" at this age: a house, kids, car payments, a stable job. we kindof derailed our track to the American Dream when we moved to Taiwan. and I'm ok with that. last year on my birthday I wrote about finally figuring out that life is never figured out. so I guess... there's not really much freaking out over this birthday left to do.

it has been a strange week. I went to the dentist. I strongly dislike going to the dentist, but the one we found here is really nice and extra gentle with my scaredy-cat mouth. [plus it only costs $5 US for the appointment.] we had the annual Taiwan-wide air raid drill, which always puts me a little on edge. I even had a #bloggerfail when something I meant to publish this weekend didn't, then once it did yesterday I changed my mind and pulled it down.

but we've been celebrating, too. I got my hair cut. Husband has been spoiling me with gluten free baked goods, new shoes and a bag of goodies from Lush. my neighbor brought down cookies for me [which I may have finished this morning for breakfast.] and tomorrow our birthday plans are hunting for a new apartment in Taipei, followed by an indulgent dinner with friends.

what comes after that? what does life look like at 30? well, unfortunately on friday I have to get a cavity filled. but beyond that... I'm excited for what this next year will bring. planning travels, seeing loved ones, making new friends, moving and settling into life in Taipei.

what else do I want from this year? from this next decade? though I often have trouble deciding what I want, I think I have a few things figured out:

I want less stuff and more experiences.

I want to be a published author, even if my mom is the only one who buys my book.

I want to care less about how my hair looks in pictures.

I want to explore so much more of this big, beautiful world.

I want to always remember that I am the one who has the power to create the life I want to live.

and... I want to be zesty.

twenty-nine // birthday reflections

I kicked off my twenty-ninth birthday by soaking in a rooftop hot tub, surrounded by misty mountains in the middle of Taroko Gorge. not a terrible way to begin the end of my twenties.

people say a lot of different things about your twenties. they're amazing and they're awful. it's a time of self-discovery... or maybe self-depreciation. it's when we're told we will all figure out our lives, but much to our surprise - most of us don't.

at twenty-one, I thought I knew everything. I had a plan. I knew where I was going and how to get there. I had it all mapped out and it seemed so simple. [oh, the joys of youthful confidence.]

at twenty-five, I thought I had it all. things were running right on schedule... my job, my marriage, paying off my car and having the two fluffiest cats around. I either had or was well on my way to getting everything I thought I wanted.

at twenty-seven, I realized I knew nothing. except that what I had was not right for me. I was stressed out, frustrated, and unhappy. what I wanted? I didn't have a clue, but I knew it wasn't the life I was living.

and now at twenty-nine, I think I've figured it out: you don't ever figure it out. there is no one plan and there won't ever be a day where everything falls into place forever. each and every day is a choice, and you have to make that choice each and every day. what to wear, what to eat, what to do. to be happy and healthy, to be a good wife/sister/daughter/friend. it's both a burden and a blessing, because every day it's all in our own hands. there are days when we choose right and there are days when we choose wrong.

but making mistakes is part of learning and growing. changing your mind and deciding to take a new path can be the best decision you've ever made. growth is essential to life - only living things grow. they breathe and they change. if you stop changing, it means you're dead. [and I'm far from that.]

the life I'm living now is completely different than anything I had imagined, but I'm completely in love with it.

the thought of twenty-nine used to freak me out. but not anymore. I'm ready to embrace this year and give my twenties the send-off they deserve. I mean, how bad can twenty-nine be when red wine and a bowl of m&m's and gummy bears is your birthday dessert after spending the day hiking and climbing through one of the most beautiful places on earth?

not bad at all.

twenty-eight

today is my 28th birthday.

or, as my grandfather would say... I am starting my 29th year.

[I love my Papa, but I'm not ready to have anything to do with the number 29 just yet. so we stick with turning 28.]

I woke up this morning with amazing second-day hair. I'm in desperate need of a cut and Taiwan is crazy humid, so that pretty much never happens. here's hoping my hair is becoming tame in it's old age. or at least that this is a sign for what's to come.

I hope to do my best to make the next year the happiest and most adventure-filled one yet. I think a great way to do that will be to not set a list of goals for the year. instead, I want to be open to changing plans. living in the moment. embracing the unexpected. looking beyond the to-do list.

today I will look forward to what comes next. I will wash my hair that doesn't really need washing, and head to Taipei with Husband for an afternoon of fun and adventure. without much of a plan.

but, you know me. I love my lists.

so I will leave you with 27 things I accomplished while 27 years old. [it was kindof a big year.]

1. quit my full-time job.

2. narrowed my wardrobe down to three suitcases.

3. moved to the other side of the world.

4. learned to live without a car, dishwasher, or dryer.

5. kicked my morning coffee addiction. twice.

6. got over my initial fear of driving a scooter and became a master of loading it up after a Costco run.

7. fell off the scooter. but more importantly...

8. got back on.

9. taught a month's worth of classes in total to grades 1, 3, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.

10. took a yoga class.

11. survived being served shellfish four times.

12. painted two chalkboard walls and one chevron wall in our apartment.

13. fostered two dogs.

14. added eleven stamps to my passport.

15. ... and one annoying stapled-in entry slip.

16. shot my first roll of film.

17. [accidentally] stayed in a hotel that rents rooms by the hour.

18. learned to bake in a toaster oven.

19. became infinitely less stressed and much more calm.

20. ate the world's best broccoli at a night market in Hong Kong.

21. wrote 15,000 words of a novel, and counting.

22. bought an instant camera, and started another 52 weeks project.

23. sang karaoke in front of people I had just met.

24. traveled by car, boat, bus, train, plane, tuktuk, gondola, tram, subway, and scooter.

25. came up with an idea for my future tattoo.

26. learned to be comfortable living in a place I thought I would never go.

27. started this blog and published 125 posts in just under a year. [friday is the blog's birthday]