expat confessions: some days you will struggle

life as an expat isn't always easy. and these past few weeks in particular, coming down off the magical high that was our trip to New Zealand... have been particularly difficult for me. I have so many beautiful things to share but I can't get over this feeling. writing is how I process things. and so this is me processing.

I love Taiwan, I really do. but adjusting to life here again has been a struggle. the air here is no where as fresh and clear as it was in New Zealand. working around my food allergies is once again a huge complication to grocery shopping and dining out. and I can no longer blend into the population like I belong there.

in fact, I've been doing a bit of a struggle spiral. we've been trying to make summer plans and figure out if I'll be able to fly back for my cousin's wedding this summer. there's a pack of adorable puppies in our parking lot, and Husband and I spent 6 serious hours in debate before concluding we couldn't adopt one. I showed up to teach my blog class prepared for a semester of new students and found I still have the old ones too.

and then I got clipped by the side view mirror of some jerk's car as we were walking to to dinner... because I couldn't get the scooter to start to go buy groceries... and the consolatory bottle of wine I bought after had a rotting cork so I trekked 30 minutes in a downpour to get another.


my arm is fine. it hasn't even bruised. as far as being hit by a car goes, I think I lucked out.

the students who came back to my class obviously like it. and their blogs are looking great. and they can always do a "free write" while the new kids get up to speed.

it still sucks to walk past the puppies, but they are being fed and look happy and healthy. our lifestyle just isn't conducive to an animal right now.

trying to make plans when you don't have all the information you need [and when some things are completely out of your control] is stressful. but I know our families will be happy to see us for however long we are able, and understand that sometimes things are beyond our power.

I will probably always hate drawing attention and being stared at. but I'm trying to remind myself that nothing I do can change it, so it doesn't matter what my hair looks like or what I'm wearing. I'm free to embrace yoga pants/ topknot/ lipstick if I damn well please.

eating gluten free in Taiwan is a lot more difficult, but I've been [mostly] doing it for nearly 3 years now. and we just bought a bread maker. along with all the gluten free bread mix I could get my hands on. and there's always iherb to order more...

yes, Taiwan is hazy much of the time. the air pollution has made me feel like I have allergies or a cold ever since we've come back. but I've been doing my best to get out of the house and go for walks and jogs. because moderately fresh air is better than hiding in the apartment.

some days I struggle.

and some days when I do, husband scoots downtown in the rain to buy supplies for making nachos. and cherry cokes. and dark chocolate sea salt caramel bars. and I lose myself in a book, or binge watch Sailor Moon.

some days that helps, and some days that doesn't.

maybe this is just a reminder to myself. but if it just so happens you're having a day where you're struggling too, I hope it helps.

some days you will struggle. and that's ok.

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